Capers of a Genin Cell
by Pishivee
Summary: A story that will get very ridiculous, because it involves Naruto trying to steal Kakashi's book if it costs him his life. Please R&R, and give me more ideas for more capers!
1. The First Attempt

**THE FIRST ATTEMPT**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or related characters, Masashi Kishimoto does...

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Uzumaki Naruto woke up one day, just like he does everyday. He did his morning exercises, just like he does everyday. Because he had been doing them so religiously, he rewarded himself by jumping on his bed an extra 100 times.

On his way out to meet up with the genin cell no. 7, the people living the floor below him immediately bombarded him will chastisement ("You stupid brat! The whole ceiling was shaking and we were sure it was going to cave in!"). Naruto escaped unscathed, saying, "You can't do anything to an excellent ninja like myself! You guys can punish me when you catch me!" So he ran off to meet with his cell.

Kakashi, his sensei, was late once again, which ticked off Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke. Naruto was thinking, _He's probably reading that stupid book, Make-Out Paradise or whatever it is._ _What could be so great about a BOOK? _And quite suddenly, Naruto was thinking, yes my friends, Naruto was _thinking_. He was not only thinking, but scheming. _How might I get a glimpse of that book?_ was on Naruto's mind. He decided he must treat this as a secret assignment, one that no one else could know. It could be all over if Sasuke or Sakura told Kakashi what he was up to. _This is gonna be like stealing information from another ninja_, thought Naruto_, I gotta think of it like that, or it could be all over! I must know why he thinks a _book_ is funnier than I am!_

Eventually, Kakashi showed up. The day started with a warm up exercise which pitted the three in-training shinobi against the sensei. Naruto knew all too well that when all three of them came at Kakashi, he had no time to read his book. He usually tossed it into the air, only to catch it after he whupped them all good.

In a three-pronged formation, Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke went straight for Kakashi (it was their best bet) from different directions. And the master threw his book into the air. _Yes! _Thought Naruto_, Now's my chance!_

The result was, Naruto jumped out of formation and headed for the book, only to crash into Sakura, who had been closing in from above. They crumpled in a heap on the ground, and Kakashi, slightly confused, had already pinned Sasuke to the ground.

"What the HELL, Naruto?" shouted the enraged kunoichi.

"I've never seen that approach to tackle the enemy," said Kakashi quizzically.

"Sorry," said Naruto, hoping Kakashi didn't figure out his plan already.

"Uh, well, let's get on, shall we?" invited the sensei.

The four headed out for a mission. Naruto decided not to try to steal the book anymore times today, just in case.


	2. The Second Attempt

**THE SECOND ATTEMPT****DISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto...the show, or the character...**

Pishivee: Hello everyone! please give me some ideas at other ridiculous attempts, and I will credit you, as well as have a very funny and diverse story. Thank you!

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A couple days later, genin cell 7 was on a mission to collect a special flower that medic nin use in the treatment of…

"What does this flower do again, sensei?" asked Naruto, who was prone to forget information.

Sakura and Kakashi sighed. It was fine with Kakashi if Sakura wanted to explain to Naruto. Sometimes she could drill it into that demon fox child better than he could.

"Naruto, listen up!" snapped Sakura, "Sometimes shinobi are inflicted with unknown toxins or substances, or sometimes they might know what it is, but have no means to cure it. This flower alleviates the _symptoms_ of those unknown substances long enough for a shinobi to get medical attention. The roots of the flower are few, but you only need a small piece anyway to activate its healing properties. Got it?"

Naruto reflected her lesson for a bit, then blurted, "So we gotta be very careful to get all the roots, cause they're so small?"

"Good job, genius," said Sasuke mockingly.

"That's the gist of it," sighed Kakashi, "Sakura, can you tell us about the physical properties of the plant?"

Naruto hardly listened to her. Instead, he was thinking_, Okay, since this requires a lot of attention, and I guess it's some important flower, so that means Kakashi-sensei will help pick some. I'll ask him to come help me figure out a good way to pick them, and while he's showing me…some of this…some of that…_

"Heheheh."

"Why's that funny, Naruto?" asked Kakashi.

"Huh? Wha—oh...the tree!" Naruto lied, "I just saw a squirrel fall down, stupid thing, eheheh…"

Kakashi's eye bored into him. "Were you listening to Sakura?"

"Yeah I was! The stupid flower is blue and white and not very tall…what else do ya wanna know?" Naruto half-guessed, half-knew.

Sasuke pointed to a spot in the distance. "There's one. How about we let Naruto do the honors of picking the first plant?"

Kakashi smiled (though how anyone knows that…), and said, "That sounds like a great idea. Go for it, Naruto."

Naruto scowled and exclaimed, "Yeah, I'll get that damn flower for you! I won't even break one root!"

So he stomped off, while everyone else smirked and followed him, putting on gloves to handle the flower commonly referred to as The Poison Ivy From Hell.

Naruto dug the flower up, and because the roots weren't very long or very many like Sakura said, he didn't break any roots. But he had to shake off all the dirt, which he did.

"Now pull all the leaves and thorns off like I told you," said Kakashi.

"Piece of cake!" claimed Naruto. When that was done, he placed the plant in the cloth sack that they brought to store the plants. Naruto wiped his hands together, noticed some tiny brown spots on his hands, and asked, "Sensei, what's this stuff on my hands?"

Kakashi explained dully, "It's actually oil. If you had listened to Sakura, you would know that this plant is covered in urushiol, and it is nearly 500 times more concentrated than the urushiol found on poison ivy."

Naruto's widened. "Wh-what's going to happen to me, sensei!"

"You like to learn the hard way, don't you?" asked Kakashi. Sakura burst out laughing, and Sasuke chuckled as well.

"You'll be fine Naruto, if you call an itching reaction so bad you won't even be able to use hand signs fine!" laughed Sakura.

Naruto was unable to participate in picking the flowers, because his hands started itching immediately. Being so miserable, Naruto didn't even want to think about stealing _Make-Out Paradise_, because that involved _touching_ the book. And that was unbearable to think about.

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Pishivee: In case some of you don't get it, urushiol is the poison of poison ivy.

Sorry if the story is a little slow in the beginning. People are welcome to tell me ridiculous ideas, becuase that's what this story is gonna be: ridiculous attempts (such as crossdressing, etc. you'll see) to steal a book.

Eventually, someone _else_ wants to get their hands on the book, and maybe they will team up with Naruto, but we shall see...


End file.
